ORIGINAL LETTER TO GOD

Lord, when will we ever be taken seriously?

Dear Father:

You know, the people in this village never seize to amaze me. So why were they making all those noise about a certain conduct? They knew from the word go it would have been a complete disaster just as most of the contracts here ended up in complete disasters with no head, no tail.


Qaedifi rice, a complete disaster, of course the Oldman has a lot of explaining to do on this one. The Gbezhon renewable, a rip off, and so many other things they signed at that Traditional Council, so what made them to think that a certain conduct was going to hold?

You know, Father, the book people say he that comes with equity must come with clean hands. How will you asked somebody to come clean when you, yourself is dirty? Your very house is not clean. How will they take you to be anywhere near serious as you have said?

Tell me something my son!

Yes Father, the people are jokers. The very people who were demanding equity from their friends, they are not clean. And Father it is so shameful, the manner and form in which they are jumping boats at the last minute to time is so crazy. It’s like putting fire in a hole and seeing all the different types of creatures jumping out of the hole in confused directions.

They should really thank God for some of the clubs that had nobody running on them oo or else many of them were going to be left by the way side, especially the Old lady’s children, many of whom are now considered to be outside children among them.

But you see Father, when I say these people, majority of them are belle driven and self-centered, people don’t believe me. If the people are not loyal and committed to the very clubs that brought them to prominence, how can they be loyal and committed to the very people whose votes they are seeking?

These people are only after their own, nobody else. If you cannot take care of your own children at home, that the ones of the street, you will take care of?

Anyway, back to the conduct issue. So why did they waste our time and our village resources when we told them from the beginning that this thing you people talking here will not work in our village for this other voting time?

You see, they say town trap is not for rat alone: it can catch chicken, dog, cat and even human beings and all.

The old people say when you don’t have plenty children, you can’t join witch craft.
But I would like to put it another way, if you have plenty children, don’t join witch craft, because you will have more children to sacrifice then somebody’s one. The thing is weeping will never finish from your house, but the person with the single child, that one time crying. So it simply means that you who have the plenty children you gat many funerals and crying to do.

You see Father; this is why after the conduct collapse most of their children had to now run to foster homes as orphans. Simply because the witch craft play of the parents have caught up with them. The very rat they thought the town trap would have caught has escape with ease leaving the chicken, goats, dogs and even human beings captive.

Lord, da small breaking heart?

Dear Father:

Hmm, you know the other day I was listening to our Papay praying and saying how he will leave his own with God if he doesn’t carry the thing. He said because all the people have told him that him they want-and he believe them too ooh.


What do you expect him to think my son?

Father when I listened to the Oldman only one thing came to mind-LOSER. Because it is only losers who wine about their best and how everybody says they are behind them.
And Father never count on anyone who tells you I will do my best. I often tell people don’t promise me you will try, tell me I will do it. The thing is it is more self-assuring if you say, I will do it than to say I will try.

So to hear the man who has doubled the fleet of cars in his convoy talking about leaving his own with God if he doesn’t carry the thing, then it leaves me wondering about his self confidence level. Then it simply means he doesn’t believe in himself. Trust me Father; nobody wants to be led by somebody who is willing to try, no not this time.

But my son, are you listening to yourself, didn’t you just say the man na increase the fleet of cars in his convoy? Doesn’t that send a message that he is beginning to think that his dream of becoming your village next king is coming to fruition?

Father, I beg you ya, what the Rooster man didn’t do here in 2005? And if I may ask where did he end up, was it not in the human garage taking drips?

My fear is that this man is too old and I don’t want him getting breaking heart after the news of the first round starts to flow in. And the way I see it, it appears like plenty of his country man them will get breaking heart too oo, because the way they are so sure that their Papay will carry this thing. Ah, let them take time ay, life too short for sorrow oo.

The old people say, we must always learn from the past because it has some lesson to teach us. Let them go and ask the Green dude who went as far as sewing his inauguration suit because of one lying prophet who had told him to do likewise.

They should ask the man, he didn’t recover from that false prophecy for the last voting time, and thank God some strange people have added new energy on to him.

But the truth is for somebody who claims the whole village has said he is the one they want to be king to be speaking like a loser; it sends a totally different message of a man who lacks self-confidence.

And before I go Father, I don’t know when the people in this whole handshake club will ever learn. Haven’t they heard that town trap is not for rat alone, even the chicken them and all can fall inside.

What kind of parable is that again?

Oh but Father haven’t you heard about the mass resignation that is taking place in this village? They say many of the Old Lady’s kitchen staffs are resigning like rain dropping.

But why do they have to wait all this while?
Father the people thought their own law they pass was only for their opponents, not knowing when you na get plenty children you can’t join witch craft.

Na their own trap is catching them left, right center and even at the time they have refused to resign, everybody now knows that they are just a bunch of law breakers. They are the Animal Farm’s type of characters we read about in that Uncle Sam’s cousin’s book. Day na break on them with all their zippers opened and their trousers and skirts hanging that the time they say they want to resign? Da so, so shame killing them na.

Lord, this is very sad

Dear Father;

You know, it is very sad to hear the way people stretch their veins to defend the indefensible in our village all because of personal gains and interests.


And come to think of it Father, most of these surrogates don’t even believe in whatever they are pouring out there in defense of whoever their benefactors are. The simple truth is they are always after their bellies and what they can get to survive on for the next day.

For a second there, I don’t blame some of them though, because if you were to ask some of them where you see yourself two to three years from now, you will be amazed to hear “nowhere sir.”

And don’t add what is your motivation for what you do, because the response will leave you flabbergasted.

Yes, Father, that is if they are very honest and not blaming anyone else for their failures and allowing themselves to be used and dumped by individuals whose aims are straightly designed to accomplish their selfish desire by any means necessary.

So here I was the other day listening to one of the Town Crier Houses in our village. And what I heard was beyond mindboggling. I mean don’t get me wrong though because I know politics is characterized by propaganda but when propagandas are based on lies, then it raises eyebrows about the true integrity of the individual. Ask Uncle Sam about this one.

But this is the thing though, in the midst of countless evidence, a surrogate of a particular candidate from one of our political clubs here was painting that particular leader as a saint. And this particular political club leader is noted for not taking responsibility for things he knowing or unknowing participated in.

In fact, he is fast becoming famous with “It wasn’t me,” because nothing he has ever done wrong. Yet there are records impeccable to show that this particular guy is no saint as he has either portrayed himself or being portrayed by his followers. But again that’s our village. A thief is only a thief when he is not of your own household.

Father, what saddens me most is when people look at the evidence right before their very eyes and open their mouth wide just to lie through their teeth.

Another thing is that most of the surrogates are job seekers, people who just jump on a band wagon, just waiting to be rewarded with an office to continue plundering our village’s resources where ever they may have stopped.

This is so sad, when people are so dishonest with the truth, just to get an opportunity to plunder the village resources.

Of late, I have heard people of corruptible records with no standing of themselves jumping all over the place endorsing people here left and right. The truth is they don’t care if some of those individuals have the ability to lead our village from poverty. No, all they care about is what is in there for them.

This reminds me of 2005, when some so-called elders in our village jumped behind the Footballer. And when the run-off result was announced, they came running saying disappointingly-we thought the boy had the thing.

What they were simply saying was that they were only supporting him because they found that the possibility of them getting a job from him would have been easier than the Old Lady who knew the kind of character they were unlike the Footballer.

So, it is no surprise, that some of these individuals are again hallucinating around here behind individuals they think will again give them the opportunity to be ushered back into the political limelight and rewarded with our village resources. But disappointments await them all.

Lord, Let he that has no sin, cast the first stone

Dear Father:

It is often said that until a thief is caught, he or she is not a thief. But that is just being hypocritical you know, because it’s just a matter of time before yours come out in the public.


The truth is a thief in secret is a thief in public. A rogue is a rogue simply put. It doesn’t matter where the theft took place; it is only to confuse people. When a big man or woman steals our village money, they say he or she embezzles. But when small man or woman jerks people’s money or purse, they say he or she is a thief or rogue.

But the truth is both the big man and the small boy are thieves it doesn’t matter where the act took place. A thief is a thief-period!

Hmm, my son, where are you going with this?

Father, I am driving right at this sex video that is now the talk of our village-the way the village people have come to condemn the poor lady and the guy in that video has left me wondering about the kind of dishonesty being publicly display in our village today.

I bet any one of them right now, especially those parading with the video and the names of the individuals in that tape to point their fingers up and tell me if they are clean from such sexual acts. And don’t tell me because yours have not come to light so you are any different-remember a thief in secret is the same as a thief in public.

Yes, I totally agree Father that such act which was done in private should not be displayed so glaringly in the public. But the way people are speaking about the act itself as if they are clean is being hypocritical-some of them behave like animals behind those closed doors.

And this brings me to a point Father. I am going to for once put on my journalistic cap, and my point is holding all factors constant disregarding their marital status. What is so nasty about the scene in that video? Most of the people walking like blind men and women because of their failed resistance to take their eyes off the video, is that not the same thing they do behind those shut doors?

No, don’t give me that yes, but look. Not at all because what you want to tell me is that your nastiness has not surface in public. But is it not the same act?

Now, don’t tell me about morality issue. And like I said morality aside, many of the people condemning the act are themselves very grossly involve in similar behaviors.

Now, you want to talk about morality from a biblical point of view, and then I will tell you that the act itself is very wrong and it doesn’t matter where and with whom you perform it period-it’s a complete filthiness, so don’t be shouting and condemning at the same time. So, let’s stop there for a second.

Here again, I am not glorifying the fact that the two involved are married people. I have heard some saying what the hell did she allow him to record the act?

Stupid! I would say. Whether it is recorded or not it is just morally and legally wrong to have sex with a married person who is not your spouse. So the fact that their own has come in the public doesn’t vindicate yours that is done in secret.

And Father remembered what I said about how some of them behave like animals behind closed doors? Yes, some of them engage in orgy-one man or woman having sexual intercourse spontaneously with multiple sexual partners. Can that be compare to the act of the two?

Father, let them save their answers, either way they are all wrong. My advice, such a video should rather serve as a caveat to the secret thieves rather than they streaming all over the place and condemning others for something they are equally engage into.

Hypocrites, hypocrites, hypocrites! Hypocrites they all are. Like our Lord, neither do I condemn the two, but to say-Go and sin no more.

Lord, it must be a terrible thing!

Dear Father:
You know, the other night I was driving home from work when a friend of mine who runs a radio and TV network asked me to pull over to have a chat. It was around 11:30 PM.


I obliged and pulled over. As we both disembarked from our vehicles, soon we were engaged into political discussions and sharing our respective views on what we think about the upcoming elections and so forth.Then he began to link me with a certain political group based on speculations about my friendship with certain prominent individuals in society who are considered “my financiers” and are also friendly with some of the individuals in that group.

And when I said no, my friendship with these individuals does not involve my business; my friend took a step backwards and said wait a minute. Then I explained. The first thing he said was but you need to let the public know. I said no, I will not belittle myself. Let the public believe what they want to believe about me and these individuals relationship. I told him the only source of my success is the old man up there-God.

But here the thing though, when I also told him the speculations in town surrounding his business, he was like-are you for real? He almost went nuts.Father, what I have noticed in this village since I been back 12 years now is that our people believe that the only way to succeed in this place is to have someone spoon feeding you with their meager resources.

So it is beyond their wildest imagination that anyone can just succeed in this village without a financier who is just willing to waste their resource on you-even when it is very glaring that you are up to no good.

Yes, Father, it must be a terrible thing being a young successful person in our village. You have to justify to everyone how you got there, especially when you only came back to this country few years ago and met so many old hands on the ground doing the same thing over and over with no growth. But it gets even worse, unbelievably when the last thing they knew about you was that you were just working for somebody the other day.

And to add insult to these injuries, you will have to justify your story to the very people who go around telling all kinds of stories about you because of their own limitations and backward thinking-something which have robbed them of their successes, lack of self-discipline and uncontrolled appetite for waste.

So, it’s a terrible thing to see any young man or woman whose trust and hope is in the Lord succeeding. He must be linked with some powerful donors who just can’t resist his or her request or worse still into some cultic practice.

You know Father; I have often told people here again and again that when you don’t have set goals and objectives in life people will set it for you and when they do, your end is usually in disgrace.

No hard feelings, but there are certain individuals in our midst who have overly abuse opportunities they had and today they are nowhere, because they lack integrity. These are people you should fear most. They are the ones parading around pulling everyone down.

And Father, the truth is a failure is one of the most dangerous people. The fact that he or she did not succeed, no other person should. They have degrees in crabology.
This is why our village is so under developed. We never ask the how. We only castigate others as a way of comforting ourselves and justifying our failures. They are this, because they have that.

There are people who have sworn to never do business with me based on my personal stance and what they think to believe-that’s so sad, because we are still moving strong with or without them.

There were some elderly people that I look up to who said we could not survive the first six months. Today, they are moving from one agency to another telling people not to do business with us. These things we hear daily and laugh out too. But it’s really a terrible thing when you try to do things differently here. We all cannot continue to sing the same song and sit at the same table. Others must be taught to do it differently and we are doing it differently. So, if you like waste all your time and energy on talking about us. We are just going ahead, while you stay in your miserable poverty.

Lord, they say thru crab, crawfish can drink water

Dear Father:

Hahaha, ooh, hahaha! You know, when I tell you that the chiefs at the Traditional Council are complete hustlers you often don’t believe me, now you do-complete hustlers they are.


Most of them know very well that they have lost their moral standing with the people of our village and so they are roaming all over the place looking for places to hank their coats. And believe me Father; they will endorse just anybody or anything as long as they know that is where the fresh wind is blowing.

But my son, ehn they say thru crab, crawfish can drink water?

Ooh, yes, trust me Father, da complete hustle they on so-especially the ones from the lower end of the Traditional Council who will be sitting for their performance exams in October.They think they can shield themselves by riding behind the fresh prince on the block. But they will balance.

Like my friend will say “some of them will see themselves upside down in chief ZanzanCawah mirror. My name oo, put me down! Whether da horizontal or vertically, they will balance. Ehn they say cat that dog? In fact, what concern dog about family planning.

And you know its kina funny though-I mean the way they are all on this endorsement spree behind the Old-man from the Handshake-pretending to be pledging supports here and there.

But beyond those hypocritical smiles andrattling are hidden agendas. The Good Old Book says, they honor me with their lips but their hearts are far away from me.

But you just relax, that so, so hustle they on so. When da Old-man makes bay, they will chop his money wa-wa like that and for nothing too ooh.

Are you for real?

Trust me Father, I know these guys. Haven’t you heard the names of the various support groups that are emerging from all over the place? They are actually pledging their supports with their lips but their hearts are on what they can get for their belly.

If you think I am lying Father, go and ask the Old Lady’s son, who was being endorse everywhere around here and almost everybody thought he would have won this fiefdom with ease, but we all know how the story ended with the Footballer coming on top.

The reason was simple Father, the hustlers were too many. So instead of reaching out they were only filling their own pockets and leaving out the people who should have actually made the man’s dream a reality.

Anyway, I hope the Old-man learn his lessons from this and that he doesn’t allow some of these so-called chiefs to use his name and resources to benefit themselves while leaving him in the cold.

Lord, the animal farm rekindles?

Dear Father:
Um, they say when the thief is in your house, he is not a thief, but when he is from your neighbor’s house then he is a thief. What a world full of hypocrites? I know ehn, my son. So what is going on in that highly forested village of yours again?


Father, is it not our big, big people in this village; they see themselves as the alpha and omega here. They have total disregard for the very laws that they make. It is never a law when it comes to them. But ooh yes, it sure is, when it is their political opponent.

What do you mean my son?
Um, Father, haven’t you heard that our village has been turned into an Animal Farm-where four legs are good and two legs are bad? These days in our village laws are only made to suppress certain people or are only applicable to the plebeians.

So, today our village oracle is only meant for us the plebeians and not the big, big people like the chiefs from the Traditional Council, the heads from the Castles and the Elders from the Palaver hut.

The other day, they were all laughing through their teeth as they openly violated the very oracle that say no body must use our village property for their politics. But they did with pee and deed.

Are you sure my son?
Oh, yes Father, they did. And in their minds’ eyes, they are above our village oracles. And you know, come to think of it, when George Orwell wrote the Animal Farm, first released in Uncle Sam cousin’s village in 1945, the situation in our village was no different. As the saying goes, all animals are equal but not equally equal. Today, in our village, the story is no different.

In fact, our village leaders show this divide with total disregard to the very village oracles, they swear to uphold and protect. So, it is not surprising when some group of country boys who have found their way into the Traditional Council try to act more than those they criticized yesterday-it’s all about personal interests, gains and selfish power.

Tell me something!
Father, these people today see themselves as demi-gods and therefore are above anything called laws in our village. Today, laws in our village are only applicable to those who are not at the helm of village power, not connected to those at the helm of village power and not related to such people.

They drive on any lane as and when they want. They used one license plate for all their vehicles rotationally and whatever apply to their political rivals don’t apply to them.
And for now, they haven’t seen the harm that they are causing our village all because of personal aggrandizement.

But you see, like my friend always used to say: “pekin, enjoy your day will soon break.” What this simply means is that it doesn’t matter how long John can stay in the army? When they are no longer in power and can’t afford to enjoy free gas coupons and free allowances, then we will know when the chicken will arrive home for roasting. But until then, let them continue to laugh on with their thief on the other side.

Lord, where are they headed?

Dear Father:

Uhm, I wonder the people from the Footballer’s camp are watching the rise of the early morning sun? Hahaha, oooh, hahaha. My son, where have you come from with people watching the rise of an early morning sun again? Have you turned to an astrologist?

Huh, no ooh, Father. You know, our old people say you can tell that the market will boil from the rising of the early morning sun. So I just wanted to be sure if the guys from the Footballer’s Camp are actually taking note of the weather-just a thought though.

But I hope they do though, because there are troubling signs written all over the wall- I mean with everybody complaining about that camp, I can foresee a disaster for them.

What do you mean my son?

Father, um, having you heard the number of people that are running away from that camp? I mean these were people who were on fire yesterday-some of them old, others new converts.

But recent exodus from those who could once take our airwaves and paint all the glorious picture about the camp and its master is indicative of a troubling sign. It’s a no good for that camp especially at this time.

And come to think of it Father, it is the arrogance with which they try to put up defence for some of these dictatorial tendencies that worries me most. It only reminds me of a certain Trump somewhere-my name ooo.

Can you imagine this Father; they are even going after people who have left the camp because of reasons best known to them (people leaving) and some have even joined them into street fights. What a disgrace? Very unheard of anywhere in the most civilized era that you will jump on someone to fight them on the street because they no longer believe in your ideas and values-nonsense!

So, you see where the weather is actually looking gloomy for them and this might cause a disaster for the camp in its efforts to take over our village.

Ok, I know there were certain gravy seekers who thought in their little minds that they could use the camp as a spring board to achieve their long failed political dreams. Like a certain big man who have held all positions in our village-even including but not limited to representing our village in Uncle Sam’s Village and yet can’t count for one thing he has done is or is doing to empower the young people or the very down trodden in our village. Such a person leaving that camp is more of a blessing than a curse and therefore I can even sign the Hail Mary for that on their behalf.

The truth is Father; the guy was an excess baggage to the Footballer’s Camp than a blessing. And the funny thing is that the curse of the village people is upon him because he chopped the poor workers’ pension money he claimed to have credited when he was then a big man there under the Ray Hay man who is currently smarting in one little room in Uncle Sam’s cousin’s village.

Yes, Father, for his exit from that camp, I am so happy for the Footballer. In the first place, as I said earlier he was only using them as a spring board to achieve his failed political ambition.

But where I have problem with the camp is that it does not practice what it preaches out there and it makes it so scaring for anybody to want to trust it with village power.

If your own children in your house are complaining of lack of good care, what makes you think I will allow you to come adopt my child?

The people say charity begins at home. If your own children not happy and everybody is running away from you it’s not a good sign of someone who claims to be a man or woman of peace.

The truth is you have not shown any sign that you are able to father your own children, whose child or children you will be able to father and talk less of an entire village.

Lord, let them tell us the how

Dear Father:

You know, for a second there I think we the people of this village are tire of hearing the names of all those who spoiled things around here. Just as it is impossible to roll back the time reechoing this year in, year on mix with lies every time we are approaching another voting time will not help our village. We are looking for the best solutions, not the best reminders.


Yes, Father, if people are not innovative enough to come up with strategies that will win people over to them and think by repeatedly reminding us of what others have done as a reason to choose them, then they have actually missed the point.

Hmmm, my son what are you up to this time around?

Father, the truth is we are tired of being reminded of how others spoiled this village and what they did or didn’t do.

What we are interested in as a village and a people is a practical road map on how you are going to fix this thing you keep telling us that the people have spoiled.

Yes, we know people have “spoiled” it. Just tell us how you will fix it. Write it on paper. Make it plain and simple. So that he who reads it will run with your vision and begin to imagine his or her role within your vision.

How people have mismanaged this village over the last 100 years plus are nothing new. And in addition, for the past 12 years, how people have come to spoil it is no longer news. All the kids between 7 and 12 years can even sit and pass a state exam on how and who spoiled our village.

So hearing the names of those who destroyed our village or the kind of people that brought us to where we are as a people and village has become part of our history. Every student in this village has written exams about it- even our old people who did not enter classroom know that some people from far away Uncle Sam’s Village settled here and ruined our village- at least that is what they want us to know. So we know it.

We also know that certain people came and brought war to spoil everything too and that we know. At least for once Father, these are the devils living with us both past and present that we know what they are capable of and what they are not.

But for you who are parading around as an angel of light, we don’t know you. So do us this favor, sell yourself to us and tell us how you are going to fix our spoiled and rotten system.

Oh, my son, so you have started defending the people who spoiled the village already?

Father, take it or leave it, we are tire of learning everyday about how this village was spoiled and who are the brainchild of its backwardness. At least, everybody in this village can point to one or more incidences. But for the angels of light, nobody knows how they are going to fix it.

And let me make it simple for them Father, because this one they will stay long inside. We don’t want mere words put together that will even confuse yourself. We want you to write down a simple vision, like the founding fathers of this village wrote-simple words that is now a creed for civic education.

And you as an individual must believe in your own vision and not a prototype of some foreign neighbor that you will have to struggle to understand before I say explain to the ordinary people.

The truth is Father, we are tire of the too many con-artists who come in the middle of a voting year to remind us how we didn’t get good education because 12 years ago somebody who brought war became our ruler or 100 years ago, the people who founded this country messed it up. This is something; I have said over and over that we know. But for you, we don’t know you.

So stop spending your resources on history, use them to tell us about the future, which you claim is in you. Please we want to know the how. How you will do it. Tell us about yourself and stop promoting the people of the past, many of whom have no interest in the future you. Let us test your credibility too.

Lord, we want to do passport inspection

Dear Father:
This they say here is too much now. We need to put a stop to this whole gossip wahala, so that everything can be crystal clear. We want to do passport inspection first for all those who say they want to chop president job in this forested village and second for all those holding village positions.


Yes, Father, this thing is too much now. Everyday this other person is from Uncle Sam’s Village or that other person is from that other village. The village people tired hearing all of this. So all we need to do is make sure everybody present their passports for the last 12 years and let see which type of book people are holding around here.
My son, where have you come from with this one again?

Father you know in our village these days when the thief is your country man, he is not a thief but when the thief is from your neighbor’s house then he is a thief. Simply put, there are too many hypocrisy around here now a days. People are hurling and pulling when it comes to other people wahala. But when the story turns around then they want to push it under the carpet’

So let see who will chop president for our village this year. Ehn in addition to the passport we get a new law. You think they will do so my son? But Father ehn that the hypocrisy I talking about there-because somebody and you come from the same village and he or she want to chop president so whether he is fit or not, you must support him or her-and assuming that the person has bad past records, you rise up to their defense, yet we want our village to prosper.

It’s the same about the fan clubs we get around here called parties in our village today. When you are a fan of a particular so-called popular person from one of these big fan clubs around here, then the person is above our village oracle any attempt to ensure that the village oracle is apply is kicked against.

When you know our village oracle says no foreigner can hold certain position in our village and when your interest is caught pans down then there is some kind of witch hunt.
So like I said, Father, it boils down to the same thing. When the thief is from your house he is not a thief but when it is from your neighbor’s house then he is a thief.
Today in our village especially at this time people are only after what they can put in their pocket and for others their bellies. So integrity and honesty has been suspended for a while. They have been thrown out of the window.

Anyway, let leave stories Father, but me this year I can tell anybody we are not putting any square pig in round whole. If your taste is for small girls around here, we don’t want to desecrate our highest office-because a person who can’t keep his pans on can drop it anywhere.

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