Yeah-o, da me again-o, my people. Da me Paul. Ehn yor know dat my mou’h not scared? Ehn yor still remember what I said the last time? Liberian girls full of it, my people.
They attended many different universities and learned a lot of things in those universities. Don’t look at me like that, Liberian girls. I will talk it the way I see it, the way I hear it, the way I know it, and the way it is. You like it, jacko; you na like it, Jack-o’-Lantern.
Liberian girls full of di-ka. They full of cha-cha. They know how to eat men’s money. They know how to deceive me. They know how to fool men. They know how to confuse men. They know how to use men. In fact, they eat using men like kanyan. Don’t forget that they graduated from the University of Eat Man Money. Da me say so.
Something interesting happened last year. A girl and a guy fell in love in Monrovia. After having been together for about three months, the guy found a job and was assigned in Maryland. Because of the tediousness of the job and the distance involved, the guy told the girl that he would not be making frequent visits to Monrovia. The girl understood the situation, so she consented.
After one month, arrangement was made for the girl to visit Maryland and spend two weeks with the guy. About three weeks after returning to Monrovia, she called the guy and say, “Jimmy, I am pregnant for you. It is about one month now. It’s my first belly, so I’m both sickly and scared.”
“Oh, is that true, honey?” started the guy. “Happy to hear that, baby. Don’t worry one bit. Okay? I will take care of you.”
It was the first time that a girl had told him that she was pregnant for him. Excitement consumed him. He came to town the following week, spent two days with the girls, gave her some money and returned to Maryland. And, to his word, he, although did not have the time to come to Monrovia regularly, sent money to the girl every month. She was short of nothing – had enough money for hospital, medicine, food, clothes, and so forth.
Seven months later, Jimmy came to town to check on “his big belly.” However, when he saw the girl, he discovered that her stomach was as flat as the surface of a dinner table. She was wearing a mini-skirt and conversing with a few friends in the yard. He couldn’t believe it.
“You na delivered, Cecelia?” he asked anxiously.
She went close to him and said, “Let’s go inside.”
And so inside they went, with the man thinking about what he would discover, and the girl thinking about what she would say. It was a scene to watch. When they finally entered, quietude descended upon the room.
A few seconds later, the man repeated his question, “You na delivered?”
The girl bowed her head and bravely told the man, “The belly moved last month, but I was scared to tell you. In fact, I almost died.”
Ehn yor see what Liberians girls can do? I swear to God. You na able them. They have degrees from the University of Rascality. Da lie, my people? No, da na lie.
The guy gazed at the girl for the longest without being able to shake or utter a word. He started sweating, as if he had just come from walking in the rain. Then his legs began to shake under him, as if he had just come from doing the pump-tire punishment. Then he began to feel cold, as if malaria had just arrested him. At some point, he was looking at the girl, but he could not even realize that the girl was in front of him. Ehn your see what Liberian girls can do? They are products of the University of Rascality and the University of Eat Man Money. You na able them. Da me say so.
To be continued…
Seriously, my people, aren’t these points to ponder?