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Pure Heart

Ehn Yor See What Liberian Girls Can Do? – Part 4

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But wheh you think? Da me again. Da me Paul. I na come back to talk about Liberian girls. My mou’h will talk it. My hand will write it. My fingers will type it. I will never get tired of writing about what Liberians girls can do and say. Da me say so.

Look how those other Liberian girls over there are looking at me as if they want to chew me. I ain’t care seh. Let them look at me from now to Judgment Day. I will still write. Let them hiss at me like some angry snake. I will still talk what I want to talk. They like it, jacko; they na like it, Jack-o’-Lantern.

The people – that is, Liberian girls – graduated from the University of Rascality. Then for their master’s program, they enrolled at and graduated from the University of Eat Man Money. Then they did a special course called Classical Dry Face. Then they did another special course called How to Fool Men. Da small thing, my people? I have good reasons to feel sorry for these stupid, usable creatures called men. They will die in the hands of Liberian girls. The children get di-ka. They full of cha-cha.

Enh yor know my mou’h na scared? I will talk. If yor like it, yor can form an anti-Paul organization to be known as LIGUAP – Liberian Girls United Against Paul. It will not move me seh. As long as I have the things called life and good health, my mou’h will not get tired talking and my fingers will not get tired writing about the doings and ways of Liberian girls.

Hear this one. A girl luckily captured a guy working in the government. He is one of the big boys in the government. The guy asked her out to lunch, and she agreed. Then she asked the guy whether she could go with one of her friends; the guy agreed. The girl had already told her friends, including the one to be invited – a lot about her new boyfriend, including about how the guy was really in love with her and was doing a lot for her. You know girls like to bluff about new boyfriends, especially if that boyfriend is doing for them. Da me say so.

Anyway, on the appointed day, the guy was the first to get to the restaurant. He wanted to be a gentleman. After about twenty minutes, the girl and her friend arrived. They sat, and the necessary introductions were made.

Ah, lest I forget, when the girl entered with her friend, the first thing she did was kiss the guy romantically. But yourself yah! You know Liberian girls like showing off, and they like to show possession, too. All she was trying to tell her friend was: “He for me, as you can see.” You na able them.

Each person ordered as they wanted. As an appetizing drink, each of the girls called for Savannah Dry. Outside, it is sold at LD150. In the restaurant, it was for LD350. Then they called for one bowl of goat soup each. Each cost US$10. Then they called for roasted fish and wine, ending it with some ice cream.

Da na their money. They man would pay, and he paid. Remember Liberian girls got their master’s from the University of Eat Man Money. The man took the US dollars from his pocket to pay as if he was taking tissue from a roll of tissue to clean the table. The two girls only smiled.

Guess what? All the things that were going on in the restaurant, the only thing the friend was thinking on was how to take her friend’s boyfriend. Ehn yor see what Liberian girls can do? Ehn yor see the action of a student of Classical Dry Face?

The friend went to medicine man and turned her friend’s boyfriend’s heart toward herself. Today, today, as our people would say, the girl snatched her friend’s lil boyfriend, and they are together na, na. Ehn yor see what Liberian girls can do? Ehn yor see it, my people? Yor will blame me for talking it like this?

Hear the fun, too, dear readers. The girl is shamelessly passing around with the guy in Monrovia and telling her friends, “I got him through buffet ground hold it. He my own na.” Ehn yor see what Liberian girls can do? Ehn yor see it, my people?

Seriously, my people, aren’t these points to ponder?

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