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ORIGINAL LETTER TO GOD

Lord, even the city cannot hide the ugliness of the baboon

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Dear Father:
Hahaha, ooh, hahaha! Father have you heard the news? They say the Footballer Camp na suspend some of its star players for displaying their rudeness at the Traditional Council the other day.

Tell me about it my son! Oh, they say Ja’Rude from the famous fishing community didn’t play to waste his “Sunday School English” on his colleagues the other day while they were in a meeting. They say, Ja’Rude didn’t play to curse ma curse.

Really, his rudeness has gone that far? But Father, what would you expert from any one of his kind, we have told these people over and over and they have continued to prove us right. They say, Footballer’s Camp, and there is no way you can divorce football from hooliganism. That is something no matter how loud you sound about it, these people will definitely show you their true characters. From beating camp members to vehicle inspectors and cursing leaders as well as street fighting, it is part of their gene. So you just imagine what they will do to the ordinary people when they take over our village.

Haven’t you heard what our old people often say? Our old people say when baboon ugly, it is ugly. It doesn’t matter if you dress it in coat suit to bring it to town, it will forever remain a baboon. The only difference between it being in the bush and in town is that you have brought it from the bush to expose its ugliness to a larger population than the handful of privileged people that see it in the forest or at a zoo.

Let me put it the other way. No matter how long a man tries to discard his true character, it will show up, it doesn’t matter where he or she is. Just like how a dog will always be a dog. One of my friends in the States has a dog for which she pays medical insurance and other benefits that members of her family enjoy. In fact, she treats it as a member of the family-sleeps on mattress and eats in decent bowl. But the dog remains a dog. It is in a dog’s nature to eat human waste, and since it is not living in our village where it is very common to see human waste it goes after the cat’s popoo.

It’s like a soldier man, putting down his uniform to become a civilian, that military behavior will one day show up, because that who he or she truly is. Our old people say, the leopard can never change his skin color, just the same about the monkey, it will never leave its black palm behind, and that is his identity.

So, for the Footballer’s Camp to be making all the noise around here is a smoke screen. They know the behavior of Ja’Rude and the rest of his colleagues are coherent in their nature as members of that camp-that is what we have known from day one. 

So, trying to make noise around here that they are trying to punish them is just like wasting water on duck’s back. If the camp was so much concern about discipline, what about their own writer that ordered the merciless beating up of a man who was just doing his job? Yes, Father, what about him? These people have proved again and again that even making them to sit at the highest level of authority can’t change who they are. I remembered when we were in grade school, whenever it was time for an exam and we see a friend studying just few minutes to the exam, we used to say, it rain the whole of last night, your bucket never got full that this morning dew will fill it?

So, you see, it is very true indeed that not even bringing the baboon to the city and dressing it in suit will hide its ugliness. When a chicken white- it is white. It doesn’t matter if you try to put ray palm oil on it or even charcoal, it will still be white.

Umm, my son, you na come back again with this your plenty parable and talking. Yes, Father, I am back! I heard the other day that, that Fula man who claims to be a Grebo man wants to make sure that I and my boy go to jail. He claims that we have brought him to public disgrace-Shameless motherfucker, the fool who goes around insulting the occupant of the highest office in our land with impunity, now he is the one crying wolf. 

But let me say this to him and his likes, I am not going to put my tale between my legs and run from here like a bitch. Let him bring it on even beyond his stupid claims. I know I can bring up my true birth certificate and prove that both my parents never migrated from anywhere, or change their identities overnight-but can he? Madness!

Can you imagine this Father! It is only in villages like ours that fools of this kind reign supreme in their stupidity and get away. Shameless bastard with no moral rectitude!  Instead of him joining his friends to ensure that, that greedy Paramount Chief at the lower end of the Traditional Council who like to have his ugly hands in every little cookie jar is thrown out, he wants to gain unnecessary media attention. That is why when your kids are in the home and your penny, nickel, dime, quarter start varnishing, you should correct them or else they will grow up to be just like our Paramount Chief. I am back, let them come for me! To be continued.

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