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Pure Heart

This Stupid Thing Called Kissing – Part 3

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But wait-o, my people, yor think I scared? My mou’h na scared. I say kissing da stupid thing. Da me say so. You like it, jacko; you na like it, Jack-o’-Lantern. For the past three days, I have been discussing the stupidness of kissing and the stupidity of those doing it. Yes, kissing is a crazy practice. It is a stupid thing.

As you the readers will recall, I presented reasons 1, 2 & 3 in Part I: 1) Kissing can “cheeklet” me. 2) Kissing is all about playing with stink spit. 3) Kissing is unhygienic because most people have unclean mouths, and kissing them is like deciding to eat dirt. Da me say so.

As you will also recall, I presented reasons 4, 5 & 6 in Part 2: 4) Some people have what we call rotten mouth. The Bassa people call it “jiah-won-zon,” a kind of mouth rottenness in which blood easily pours from a person’s mouth in addition to the stink odor it produces. 5) Kissing is a risky or dangerous thing to do. 6) Some people have helluva big tongue in their mouths.

Having reviewed Parts I & 2, permit me to start presenting the next set of reasons for considering kissing a stupid practice:

Seventh, some people have stink mouths. It could be mouths that are naturally stink or those getting stink due to smoking and other bad habits. We all know the bad scent smoking causes. It smells in rooms badly. It smells on clothes badly. The fact is that some people smoke excessively. Even chewing the best of flavored chiclets does not help the odor from their mouths. Then imagine kissing somebody’s sour cigarette mouth just like that. I stupid to kiss such a mouth? What will I be proving or looking for?  Sickness, or love? I na inside.

The eighth reason why kissing is an unnecessary thing is that some people don’t have strong teeth in their mouths. This argument is related to the riskiness of kissing. Some people’s teeth fall from their mouths easily. What if, while kissing a person, two of her teeth drop in your mouth or under your tongue? You see trouble? Whose teeth I coming swallow like that? Kissing? I na inside.

The ninth argument why I don’t kiss is that many people usually have sore in their mouths, on their tongues or they have what we call “sore corner.” Am I a dog to lick somebody’s sore mouth? Take me from there.

The tenth reason why I don’t kiss is that some people suffer from couth. The cough may be active or passive. Let’s suppose that, while I am kissing a girl romantically, she coughs and the yellowish cough drops on my tongue or under it? Jesus! I will die the same moment. To cut long matter short, I will not kiss. What? My mouth? The more I think about this particular one, the more I realize that kissing is a stupid thing. Nobody coming give me natural condensed milk just like that.

To be continued…
Seriously, my people, aren’t these points to ponder?

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