Some women, without even knowing it, are driving the men who love them right out of their lives. For the most part, women aren’t getting information about men straight from the source. They’re asking other women, listening to so-called relationship experts, and believing statistics. While those sources may be helpful and provide some information, nothing is as accurate as asking men what they think and feel.
This list of ten things women do that drive men away was compiled from informal interviews with real everyday men. None of these men are “experts” from academia. None of them are sociologists, psychologists, or relationship experts.
1. ACTING SWEET TO GET A MAN, THEN CHANGING
“I don’t know why women act so sweet during dating and change completely when they know they’ve got you.” –a computer technician. She used to go to bed in a naughty nightie and didn’t care about sweating the curls out of her head. Now she goes to bed with a head full of rollers and a face covered with Noxzema. When they were dating, she batted her eyes, spoke softly, and always looked sexy. But now that she’s got him, that all changed. The gently batting eyes and shy smiles have been replaced with frowns, pursed lips, and shrill tones. No more sexy clothes. Now she dresses like she doesn’t care what she looks like, every day is a bad hair day, and she’s fast losing the curves in her body and developing a pleasantly plump figure.
Of course, men can’t expect women to be superwomen who are able to work, cook, clean, and make love with flawless precision. But a woman shouldn’t start out playing the superwoman role at the beginning and then change. It’s better to present herself as she is and get it all out in the open. When a woman changes her entire act after the relationship gets going, men feel as though they’ve been duped. Suddenly, he doesn’t know what to believe anymore and feels he can’t really trust the woman he thought he knew.
2. NOT GIVING ENOUGH SPACE
“She clings to me because she thinks that every minute I’m not with her I’m fooling around.” -personal fitness trainer.
3. WANTING TOO MANY THINGS
Some black men say black women are unrealistic in their expectations and want too much. Of course, wanting a good hardworking man who respects women isn’t asking too much. But what about when it goes far beyond that? For some women, having a good man just isn’t enough. They also want a Lexus, a two-story home in the suburbs, and a string of credit cards. When they don’t have these things, they moan and complain as though life is terrible. If the man dares to say something about how he’s happy with things as they are, he’ll be accused of being complacent, lazy, and lacking ambition. It’s fine to have goals and want some luxuries. But counting the blessings you already have never hurts either.
4. NOT SAYING WHAT SHE MEANS
Women expect you to read their minds like a psychic,” a university student. Men aren’t very good mind readers. In fact, we often have difficulty just figuring out what women mean with the words they speak. I think women are far more sophisticated communicators than men; they seem to be more adept at the subtleties of gestures, facial expressions, and body language. Therefore, men and women almost always suffer from communication breakdowns in relationships.
Unfortunately, some women do not express themselves honestly and openly. It seems that they are more apt to use voice inflections and body language to communicate what they mean, even when the actual words they are saying convey the opposite.
Women expect the men in their lives to read their nonverbal cues. Some men fail to read the nonverbal cues of the women in their lives. When this happens, an argument is almost always the result, because the woman feels that she communicated her feelings to the man and he ignored her.
5. THE THREE B’S OF SEX
Perhaps it would be nice if sex didn’t play such a major role in relationships. But for most people, sex is a big part of a relationship. And for men, it’s probably more important than it should be. The sexual aggravations of men boil down to the three B’s: bad, boring, and the boudoir battle.
Sex is a learned skill. It’s similar to driving a car. Basically, anyone can do it. Some are good at it. And others are experts. But everyone has an idea of what they consider good and bad sex. Common complaints among men are: lack of enthusiasm, lack of rhythm, no creativity, and poor technique. If a person in a relationship is dissatisfied or experiencing sexual dysfunction, it’s something that should be openly and honestly discussed. The reasons for sexual dysfunction can be psychological, physiological, ethical, and religious, or a host of other things. If the problems seem insurmountable, the advice of a pastor or therapist may be necessary.
Boring sex isn’t necessarily the same thing as bad sex. But it is far from good. Boring sex is always doing it in the same place, at the same time, and in the same old position. It’s when the sex gets to the point that it feels like more of a duty than a desire. Boring sex is when you’re going through all the motions, but there’s no spice or passion involved.
Using sex as a weapon doesn’t do anything, but make a man angry. It can be subtle things such as not being open to touching and cuddling. Or it can be more strategic. It can be the refusal to do certain things in bed. The most brutal form of bedroom battle is outright refusal.
Of course, a man can’t expect a woman who is angry at him to make mad, passionate love to him. That’s where communication comes into play. It’s far better to talk and resolve the differences than to play games of will because any real man will be very insulted by such behavior. Then he may become vengeful and the whole thing turns into a cold war of revenge. Boudoir battle can lead to deep resentment and some men will use it as an excuse to cheat on their wives or girlfriends.