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Pure Heart

If You… Don’t – Part I

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Because of the kinds of topics I write on, how I write on them, and how often I write on them, a lot of people constantly ask me, “Paul, where do you get all these crazy ideas from all the time?”

To them I usually say, “From the University of Life.”

When I see something, I force myself to see it creatively. When I hear something, I force myself to hear it creatively. If I touch or feel something, I think about how to involve my creative mind in the feeling or touch. Where do I get all these crazy ideas from all the time? Well, I get them from life.

For instance, while listening to the radio a few days ago, I heard a song. It is a very fine song. I must confess; I felt in love with the song the first time I listened to it. This doesn’t mean I always fall in love at first, though. By the way, if I fall in love at first sight all the time, da yor business? Da na yor business.

Anyway, as I was saying, I love the song not only because of the sweetness of the singer’s voice and the melody of the song, but also because of the message the song conveys. Two lines of the song go like this:

If you live in a glass house, don’t throw stones
If you can’t take blows, don’t throw blows

Right away, I rushed to the Department of Creativity within the University of Life. In short, I started thinking about how to extend the wordings of the song in my own way. Permit me, therefore, to share with you what I managed to come up with. You like it, jacko; you na like it, Jack-o’-Lantern.

If you live in a glass house, don’t throw stones
If you can’t receive blows, don’t throw blows
If you fear ghosts, don’t live in graveyards
If you’re scared of penis, don’t be a prostitute
If you don’t like to go hungry, don’t fast
If you don’t like to get wet, don’t put it inside
If you don’t like exposing your toes, don’t wear slippers
If you don’t like showing your butt, don’t wear butt-hole junction
If you’re afraid of bearing, don’t get pregnant
If you hate playing with spit, don’t kiss
If you don’t want water to come from you like a pump, don’t urinate
If you hate to keep a toilet house in your body, don’t have a large intestine
If you want your butt to enjoy freedom, don’t wear underclothes
If you want your breasts to be free, don’t wear bras

To be continued …
Seriously, my people, aren’t these points to ponder?

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