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Pure Heart

When King David Eats Uriah’s Wife

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Don’t ask-oo, my people. Da me again. Da me Paul. Ehn yor know me? My mou’h na scared. You like it, jacko; you na like it, Jack-o’-Lantern. Da me say so.

Today, I want to return to King David, one of the dry-face kings I have ever heard and read about. King David really had dry face. I like the man for many reasons. One of the reasons why I like the man is that he used to like woman business. David never had time. If King David wanted to eat any women, it didn’t matter whether she lived under the sea. It didn’t matter whether she lived among lions or among black snakes. You able King David’s woman business?

King David’s woman business was strong more than peepee scent. Da the same too-much-woman blood he transfered to his son, King Solomon. Da small woman business King David and his son King Solomon did on earth? It is really like father like son. Solomon and his father David were woman lappas. Da me say so.

Hear this one. One evening, seven beautiful young girls came to visit Solomon in the palace. It happened that David was standing somewhere near the main gate. When David saw the beautiful girls entering the gate, he looked at them dat kinda way and looked behind himself. There is son Solomon was, walking toward the girls to take them in.

David looked at his son and smiled. Solomon looked his father and smiled. They knew what they were on. A snake cannot bear frogs. Anyway, as Solomon was passing his father, his father gestured to him to go close to him, and Solomon complied.

Quickly, David whispered this in his son’s ear: “What will you do with all seven, little boy? You really like woman business-o.”

Pekin Solomon smiled and said, “Papa, ehn da you make me like this? You can’t see your own you’re doing in this palace and in this kingdom? You’re my teacher, Papa!”

If Solomon’s words are anything to go by, then King David was really a good teacher, and his son Solomon was a good student, too. Da David and his son ehn all spoil us men so. Da King David them make us like this. Da small woman business Liberian men like? I don’t know whether we should thank King David and his son or get vexed with them. King David has spoiled our head bad way, my people. Da lie? No, da na lie.

And when it comes to woman business, David na want know whether da his friend’s wife, commander’s wife, security guard’s wife or some other related person’s wife. That’s how David ate Uriah’s wife. David na want know.

But, we all need to remember that when King David ate Uriah’s wife, he committed at least four sins. First, he committed adultery since Bathsheba was another man’s wife. Second, he caused Uriah’s death. Third, he took the woman as his own. Fourth, he born by the woman out of wedlock. Da lie, my people?

Therefore, my people, as you people continue this too much loving business, let’s think about the kind and number of sins we commit in the process. Yor leave this plenty woman and man business-aye. Yor belleh graduate from the King David Institute of Woman & Man Business. Yor try to be like me-aye, my people. Yor be like me!

“Be like whom?” is the quick question coming from my friend Eddie. But da his business. I na get time for Eddie seh.

Seriously, my people, aren’t these points to ponder?

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